Mystery Evangelion Theatre 3000 - Show 3
by Pokemon Ranger J
Summary: Come see what Gendo's dreamt up!


The Bugs

Mystery Evangelion Theatre

** **

** **

In the not too distant future,

2018 AD,

There was a guy named James, 

not too different from you or me.

He worked at the Marduc institute

Just another guy in dark trenchcoat,

He did a good job kicking angel face,

But Gendo didn't trust him so he shot him into space!

GENDO:

I'll send him cheesy fanfics,

Woo Woo

The worst I can find!

Lalala

He'll have to sit and watch them all,

And I'll monitor his mind!

Now keep in mind James can't control,

Woo Woo

Where the fanfics begin or end!

Lalala

He'll try to retain his sanity,

With the help of his random friends!

RANDOM ROLL CALL

Shinji Ikari!

(Huh?)

Rei Ayanami!

(Blue hair is in!)

Dave Scott!

(I am David, hear me roar!)

Spike Spiegel (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe, 

And other science facts, 

Just repeat to yourself,

This is just a show, 

I should really just relax!

For Mystery Evangelion Theatre 3000

Wannnnng!

The group are sitting around making wicker baskets.James and Dave a making a huge basket.It appears that they have been here a while.

James:Welcome back to the third episode.I think Gendo's mad at us, so I expect him to send us a real stinkburger.

Dave: Don't jinx us, damnit.

Shinji calls the group over the intercom.

Shinji:Guys, My father's calling, and he ain't happy.

Gendo:Hello, puppets!Well, seeing as I'm feeling especially nasty, I'm sending you a homemade Sci-Fi Fic, one bad enough to make you want to, let me say, bow down before whoever sent it to you.HINT! HINT!Prepare to fry, pinheads!

James:Yeah?Bring it on, Mr. tough, 'I think I'll sit underground all day and send bad fics to these guys I put in orbit,' guy!

All:Don't provoke him!!!

Gendo:Okay, that's it!Fuyutski, press the button.

Fuyutski: Yes, sir.

The klaxons blare, and the group start flailing around.

James:We've got fanfic sign!

They rush to the theatre, and sit down.The fic begins.

The Bugs  
By Samuel Huoh/Stealthblade  
  
"This is really stupid!" 18 year old Matt Cregin growled to his Captain.

**Dave:Matt was a German Sheppard, great coat of fur.**  
"Look! This isn't the year 1777 ok, where you can complain about orders. This is the year 2045 

**James: Of course, had it been 1778, and this been 2046, things would be different.**

and we gotta do what we're ordered to do," replied his Captain. "But I know how you feel, this sewer stinks like heck 

**Spike: How does he know what heck smells like?**

and besides I heard that these old guns that they gave us couldn't kill one of those mutated spiders if they stood still for five minutes!"

**Dave:He's been timing them**  
"Something's coming!" Another soldier named Kyle shouted out.  
"Ok men this is it. Remember, work together and aim for the mouth! Let'm taste lead instead of human flesh for a change.  
As the human sized bugs turned the corner, Matt suddenly thought about how all of this began.

**Dave: But the flashback took long enough for the bugs to get to him.He died.**  
It all started on June 15, 

**James: And not a day sooner.**

or so they say when a female spider 

**Dave: Oh my God!It's Martha Stewart!**

laid her eggs near a top-secret government factory. They say that the radiation from the factory came in contact with the eggs and the baby spiders were mutated. 

**Spike: He makes it sound so simple.**

At that time, Matt had just turned 18 and for a present, his dad and mom had let him enlist in an undercover secret group. 

**James:How do the parents know about the secret group?**

The week right after his birthday party, the accidents started happening.****

Accidents, meaning the feeding of the mutated spiders. 

Spike:As opposed to the fact that several sheep appeared on last year's presidential ballot.

At first it was just people disappearing. Then the spiders became messy, 

**Dave: And Martha made them clean their room.**

and after they killed their victim and had eaten their share, they just left the victim in alleys or sometimes just on the streets.   
Matt's group started training and was then sent down to exterminate the spiders.

**James:Notice that they neglected to try using Raid! And bug bombs.**  
Now Matt watched as their guns blazed at the oncoming rush of bugs. 

**Spike:Spider's are not bugs!**

**James:It's alright, the author is ignorant.**

Matt concentrated on one bug and watched as his bullets cut through the flesh, spaying green blood everywhere. Despite their wounds, the spiders kept coming on. Nothing seemed to stop them. 

**Dave: Until Matt showed them his centerfold of Marlon Brando.**  
"Men all together aim for one of those bugs. See if that makes a change," the Captain shouted as he blazed away with his own gun. 

James:the captain had the grammar skills of a below average cardboard box.

"Man! These M-16's stink. They're ancient history. Maybe a few of those new M-26's could help right about now." 

**Spike:Now they're inventing guns to sound cool.**  
"Come on men start retreating but keep firing!" "Watch out for those dead spiders. Leave the dead or wounded behind. There's nothing we can do for them if we want to survive ourselves," 

Dave: These are Sci-Fi GIs, they never survive.

commanded the Captain after minutes of firing uselessly at the spiders.  
"Finally! We're getting out of here," Matt proclaimed. We've lost about five men but have only killed about two spiders.

James: How do you kill 'about two spiders.'

**Spike:Well, he couldn't say, "we've killed 1.5 spiders."**  
"Keep moving men," shouted the Captain. "Forget firing. Run!" 

**Dave (as Captain): Let's see if we can make ourselves any more vulnerable.and why don't you just take off your body armor, and totally disarm yourselves.**  
"Yes! We made it to the opening. Matt exclaimed, taking a deep breath after minutes of running.  
"I think we've lost those bugs but I still want a line set up. Matt, David, Kyle build a wall here. 

**Spike (as GIs): Build a wall?With what?This is a sewer! **

Give us cover. Although I don't think we need any. I'm pretty sure we lost those bugs. 

**Dave (as Captain): Let me make it more obvious that I think we've lost the bugs.Hold on, I've written a song.**

Well don't just stand there. Get going, and everyone else, get up that ladder.   
"Captain I think they're coming again." Kyle shouted out.

**James: But I'm not sure.Hold on, lemme check again.**  
"Ok fire at will and climb up when you can," replied the Captain.   
"Come on you mutated freaks." Matt whispered to himself as the spiders approached. 

**Dave:Smart one!Anger them.This guy is a grade A moron.They need him down in NERV.**  
"Fire!" A voice inside Matt's head said.  
"Well why not" Matt whispered to himself as he opened fire.

**Spike: Great inner monologue.**

**James: What a moron.**  
Through the bullets, the spiders kept coming until finally they jumped.  
The last thing Matt remembered was screaming to his Captain for help.

**Spike:Question:How does Matt remember if he's dead?**  
Then they were on him.

**Dave:At least in this one the moron dies.**

** **

** **

** **

**They crash out onto the bridge.Gendo is staring at them off the screen.**

** **

**Gendo:Well, are you broken yet?**

** **

**All:Nope.**

** **

**James:Gendo, it'll take more than that.You haven't shown us a true stinkburger yet.Come back when you have a real fic.**

** **

**James turns off the screen,**

** **

**James:I guess I showed him.**

** **

**The power turns off to the SOI.**

** **

**James:Or not…**


End file.
